Sunday, 27 July 2014

Sorry Not Sorry: I'm Suffering from Blogger Depression

*Image from Pinterest


For a while recently I had been really loving blogging and everything it had to offer me. In fact you could say that I was blissfully unaware that there was anything other than good which could come from it. It is afterall a hobby, and hobbies are there to be enjoyed. I was enjoying watching my followers grow in number, and for a while it actually felt like nothing could go wrong; the only way was up, and I would stop at nothing to create the most beautiful, inspiring and creative content for my readers. Yes, I was truly living the dream. That was until reality hit me hard and I sunk into such a deep depression that I would despair over the slightest thing: 'One of the words on my moisturizer is out of focus in my photo! I would proclaim, and then burst into tears. This has been happening for a good few weeks, and you probably wouldn't believe it if I told you that sometimes I felt the cold hands of despair resting on me to the point where I became a little dysfunctional. Obviously my friends wouldn't understand: 'They don't have a blog! How could they possibly know why I am miserable?!' You see now it does seem a little ridiculous, but I think I was suffering from something that I have labeled The bloggers depression.

I have no idea how I went from being on top of the world one minute to completely broken the next. I just suddenly and all at once came to the realization that in the grand scheme of things my blog is probably not that important to anyone other than myself. After this thought I felt so uninspired by everything that the blogging world had to offer, and spent ALOT of time crying my eyes out. These thoughts seemed to propel me into a strange world where I was beginning to question why I even started blogging in the first place. You see a few weeks ago I tried to set a day aside to get all my blog things done. You know the drill; respond to emails, take a sh*t load of photographs, and brainstorm like mad. Well this particular day I was having a bit of a nightmare. None of my photos were were turning out right and everything in my head was just coming out all wrong. I had this picture in my head of the type of content I really wanted to produce compared to the kind I was actually producing, and it was driving me insane. So, obviously being a melodramatic queen, and feeling ridiculously sorry for myself I just burst into tears, started looking through all of my old posts and trying to find reasons as to why they just weren't good enough. 

I started to notice that my blog design was pretty basic and simple compared to the array of artistic spledour, which I am constantly greeted by on other people's blogs. I assumed that every blogger in the world was probably prettier than me, and just generally got so worked up into a frenzy that I actually rendered myself completely incapable of writing a decent post for about a week, and for all you stat consious bloggers let me tell you my page views definitely suffered. I actually started to panic at this point thinking that my blogger journey would be coming to a very abrupt end if I didn't do something about it...and soon.

A few days went by and I started to notice how a place (bloggersphere) that once felt warm and welcoming was now becoming a little intimidating for those of us who mabye aren't so confident, and all I could see on twitter were little groups of bloggers who all appeared to be laughing at some shared inside joke. I longed to be part of it. I longed to find a way to bond with not just other bloggers but my other readers who mabye don't blog themselves, but like to read all the little thoughts we have out loud here on the world wide web. That was then I got the most horrible fleeting feeling that all my readers probably hated me by now because I hadn't written a decent post in a week, and seemed to be ignoring the world of blogging entirely. I actually panicked when I started to imagine writing posts every week and getting literally not one page view, not even from myself because they were so bad even I didn't want to read my own work. 

After this I took my anger out on the PR's who don't always have bloggers best interests. The ones who emailed me last week using the wrong blog name, and yet wanted me to work for them. It saddened me to think that some of them suggested working with me yet knew very little about me, or my blog. It was even worse when some of the better ones failed to fullfill their promises even though I had dedicated so much time into contacting, and responding to their requests. Don't get me wrong the very honest nature of my blog seems to attract the nicest and most genuine PR's out there, but unfortunately last week was a bit of a nightmare. I guess I just wasn't ready to believe that professionals who actually get paid for what they do (unlike most bloggers) would take advantage of  those of us who just don't know how to value our worth. It then got me thinking about why I first started blogging and while I do still want it to help me careerwise I have to admit the experiences I've had so far have been some of the best moments of my life. I'm finally glad I got to let my creative soul run wild and free on the internet, and be damned anyone who wants to judge me for it. 

So, although I have had the toughest few weeks of my life since I stated blogging it wasn't all bad as at least I now know I'm doing for the right reasons. I'm glad to be getting this off my chest and I really do hope that noone hates me after this somewhat unapologetic confession, but I had to share this with those of you who do actually want to hear from me. To those of you who like reading everything I write about no matter how sh*t my photos are or how bad my layout sucks; thank you. Thank you all for reading my rather small and insignificant blog which will likely never change the world, but it has gone a long way in changing me for the better and of that you can be sure.

Have any of you guys ever felt like this? Like its all or nothing with blogging?




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24 comments

  1. I feel a lot of pressure when it comes to blogging, if I realise on a day that I was meant to post that I actually don't have anything written, I'll have a little panic. I soon calm down though and realise that my blog will still be there tomorrow and it will be okay. I also have the same doubts as you, that my blog will never be as good as other peoples but I try to remember that I'm doing this for myself, and if other people like it then that's great but as long as I'm happy with it, it's okay. I hope you're feeling better, you & your blog are wonderful.
    In Katie's Corner

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    1. This was a lovely message and really cheered me up so thank you for that! I do think that more bloggers than you think feel an enormous amount of pressue and it can be pretty hard sometimes as though everyone wants to compete with each other! I just want to make something I can be proud of and meet lots of new people :) xxxxxxxxx

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  2. I feel the same sometimes, like my blog has to be perfect, but it cant always be perfect and you cant always please everybody! Girl i love your blog and i love your posts! Try not to be so hard on yourself :)

    xprincessjas | ♥

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    1. Thank you so much hun it means a lot! I love blogging but sometimes the pressure can feel enormous:) So glad to have lovely bloggers like yourself supporting me all the way :) xxxxxx

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  3. I find it so sad to hear that you get so upset thinking your blog isn't good enough when I love it so much and I know loads others do to.
    You were one of the first blogs I followed when I started out and I've been looking back often ever since for inspiration.
    Personally I love your blog design and the matching colour scheme but if you don't like it you could always change it?
    Maybe you need something to look forward to blogging wise like an event or something?
    I hope you cheer up soon
    xxxxxxxxxxxx

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    1. Thanks so much hun! I know it is just me being over dramatic and daft, but i thought I would share it with others who maybe feel the amount of pressure I do at times! I love that you see my blog as inspiration that is a huge compliment!! :D xxxxxxxx

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  4. Great post! I think its nice to see an honest post about the other side of blogging which you have addressed, its sad to hear you being so upset about your blog as I think it is great and from the comments already it sounds like you are an inspiration and make an impact on your readers which is so lovely to see :D I have those moments too with my blog and I tweak it constantly and still not satisfied and there's so much I need to change to it, but I think its good to look at it as a work in progress and learning experience and a journey you have with your blog but yourself too (cheesy I know! haha) and have fun with it :D hope you feel much better soon! take care :)

    www.violetdaffodils.blogspot.co.uk
    xx

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    1. Thanks lady! It's nice to be able to share things on here sometimes and feel like people are really reading it! All these lovely comments from you lovely ladies have made me feel a lot better ! I will always support other bloggers :) xxxxxxx

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  5. Such an honest post! I think everybody feels like that sometimes..I know I have definitely felt like that the past few weeks. I love your blog and hope that the past few tough weeks are just a distant memory for you now. Keep doing what you love cos you're pretty darn good at it! :)

    Thebeautyfairground.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks so much babe! I'd like to think I'm not alone and that everyone doubts themselves sometimes ! I'm pretty sure not everyone is as confident as they make out! But I'm glad it happened because I've learned a lot from the past few weeks! Xxxxxxx

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  6. Thanks for being so honest! Honestely your blog design is so pretty and your blog is one of the best ones out there. I don't understand why you'd be depressed about it, embrace it instead. I love your blog a lot. Like a lot, a lot. So enjoy it! xxxxxxxxxxxx

    Beauty Soup || UK Beauty Blog

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    1. Thanks so much hun ! I thought I just had to explain myself for the absence in bloggersphere, but luckily I learned a lot about myself and why I wanted to blog during my time off:) xxxxxxx

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  7. I absolutely feel this way!! I've been blogging for almost a year, and have no sort of PR, no sort of fancy design (just what I've put together on blogger), and a small readership that is comprised of mostly family members. I love blogging, I love writing, I love adding photos, and I love hearing back from my family members. Great. But I also wish I could meet more bloggers, actually get some sort of advertising/PR connections, and feel more like a "blogger" than just a "hey I put my stuff on the internet". So frustrating, but what is there to do other than pushing onward?? You're not alone!!!
    ~ Samantha
    samsamcherie.blogspot.com

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    1. Yeah i know what you mean! It's almost like you need to know who really cares about what you are doing! I'm the complete oppisite from you as none of my family members really know what I'm doing in fact I'm a little too afraid they wouldn't understand and just be like 'so you just write up things on a website?' SOOOOOO frustrating haha! I hope we all make it someday! And btw I read your blog everytime you post and I love it:) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  8. I've had those days where NOTHING turns out the way I want it to, i would be uninspired, none of my pictures or writing turn out to be the way I'd like them to be, and I compare myself to other amazing blogs which doesn't do much for my confidence. I guess blogging can be a real frustration sometimes, and it's really nice to be able to talk about "bloggers block" or blogging problems with other bloggers who understand, since other people don't really get how blogging works! BUT sometimes I just have to remind myself about the good things about blogging and not get too caught up in comparing myself to others, which i do a lot so you're not alone!! (also I LOVE your blog design and reading your posts!)

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    1. Yeah so true I think just writing this post has shown that I am not the only one who gets like this sometimes! And the positives of blogging definitely outnumber the negatives! I'm so happy doing this:) xxxx

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  9. I''ve just started blogging and have been worried about most the things you mention... creativity, pictures and good design. Plus would people mock what I've written. You''ve reinstalled my confidence a little and encouraged me to keep persevering!

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    1. Definitely keep going! It might take a while but will be worth it :) xxxxx

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  10. Oh I love this post, not because you were feeling down but because you have been able to get a lot of things off of your chest, and I bet you felt better for it? I think you have spoken for a lot of people here and I can hear others saying 'I feel like that too' I myself had a wobble the other week. I broke down too and it was after such a good day. I felt sooo much pressure to be an amazing blogger, to try to post every day, to have pictures like all of the other blog bloggers. I wondered why on earth my blog got nominated for the cosmo award after looking at all the other blog who have been nominated, mine looks the worse, with the worse pictures too. I literally doubted everything but luckily I spoke to a few people who pulled me out of it, told me I was putting too much pressure on myself. I gave myself a few days off from anything blog related and I felt so much better afterwards! We feel like this because we care so much about our blogs, and that's why our followers come back time and time again. I do hope you're feeling better now hun and know you're not alone! You can always tweet me if you fancy a rant, cos I love me a rant too :) xxx

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    1. Awwww so it's not just me being over dramatic then ? Haha! I know it is so much pressure! And don't worry about Cosmo awards you got nominated because you have worked really hard and deserve to be up there ! And I voted for you ;) xxxxxxxx

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  11. I only just stumbled across your blog today but my first thought was that it looks really great. I can relate to this, I always look at my layout and think that it doesn't look quite good enough or that my posts won't be interesting or that I'm not pretty enough to blog about fashion/beauty. Wow.. that was a long sentence. I think everyone has negative thoughts, but you can remember that the people who follow you, followed you for a reason :)

    vvnightingale.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. That's so true! It can also be quite hard to remember that there are probably loads of people who read your blog who don't use bloglovin or google connect to follow but just have you bookmarked ect:)

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  12. I think blogging can be a lot of pressure sometimes, it takes a lot of time to keep up with your blog. If a post doesn't get as many views as another one I start wondering what I've done wrong. Im also not great at photography, but if i want to write a post I don't like to not have a photo with it, and then I'll feel like I can't post unless i have a photo. It's quite stressful, and If i don't post on a day I normally post I feel terrible but I don't want to force it.
    I try to remind myself that this is just a hobby, and I need to enjoy it and although I want it to improve and grow I need to stay happy with it and continue enjoying it for it to be good.

    Emma x
    Writing Essays With Wine

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    1. Lovely words of wisdom Emma! I feel the exact same ! xxxxx

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